I most certainly did not...

...order $50 worth of Chinese food for myself tonight.

Why, what gave you that idea?

Now if you will excuse me, I really must be going. Something tells me I want to be sure to take my wedding ring off before I fall asleep tonight.

P.S. one of the cats stole a fortune cookie and broke it open. His fortune said something about being ready for an exciting opportunity. I'd say he had already found it.